I know it can be hard to get up every day and have these little people rely on you.
I know it's hard to feel like sometimes your world is so small.
I want to remind you, you are the world.
You are the world that those little ones revolve around.
You are their nurture, their home, and their comfort.
You are everything to them, and I hope even on your hard days you know how special you are.
Especially to your little people.
- Anonymous
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Mama... we know it gets hard.
We also know that some days 'hard' is just the beginning! There are days where you feel like there is no way you can make it to the next-- or that maybe you aren't good enough. Some days it feels like no matter how hard you try-- the work is never done.
But Mama, those days do not define you. They do not define who you are as a person OR as a mother. What defines you is how you react and move forward.
It's okay to have these days-- in fact it is normal! It would be alarming if you didn't have such days! You must believe that better days are coming and everything negative happening is simply a single moment in a lifetime---
It may feel like all you can remember are the bad days, but your baby will not. Your baby will only remember you being there for them and loving every ounce of them.
In the end, you are their constant no matter where you are at in your own life. This does not mean you have to be perfect by any means--- Why? Because being YOU is perfect enough.
Think of being a mom like you are training for an event. Yes there are days where you don't think you can step onto that track, or the pool deck, or the field, or wherever----without falling over from sore muscles, fatigue, etc. But guess what? YOU DO IT ANYWAY! Because the reward is far better than the pain of those days.
The next day you may beat your best time, or jump your highest, or score the most goals... Or your baby will hug you and hold you. Your baby will learn to talk and write and read and run! These are the rewards, the payoffs for all of your hard work. It is WORTH it!
So mama, don't get down on yourself, you are HUMAN! You love like a human and you also hurt like a human, but most of all ---you heal and grow like a human. We are amazing, and YOU are amazing.
Here at Mamas Maternal Health we just want to say, just keep doing you mama--you've got this! And for those days where you feel like you can't go at it alone-- we are here to be that guide so that you never feel alone. We want to lighten your day when you feel like its weighing to heavily on your shoulders. Support systems MATTER. No one achieves anything without help--- even Wonder Woman had the Justice League...
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"Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman. A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories. Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.
Imagine a woman who trusts and respects herself. A woman who listens to her needs and desires. Who meets them with tenderness and grace.
Imagine a woman who acknowledges the past's influence on the present. A woman who has walked through her past. Who has healed into the present.
Imagine a woman who authors her own life. A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf. Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and wisest voice.
Imagine a woman who names her own gods. A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness. Who designs a personal spirituality to inform her daily life.
Imagine a woman in love with her own body. A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is. Who celebrates its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.
Imagine a woman who honors the body of the Goddess in her changing body. A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom. Who refuses to use her life-energy disguising the changes in her body and life.
Imagine a woman who values the women in her life. A woman who sits in circles of women. Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.
Imagine yourself as this woman."
© Patricia Lynn Reilly, 1995 All rights reserved. Presented with permission of the author. www.imagineawoman.com
New Identity as a Mama
For some women, becoming a mother is something that comes very easily to them. Not necessarily in the way of maternal instinct, but in the way of identifying as 'mom'. Many women have strong identities outside of motherhood, whether it is being a business woman, athlete, adventurer, intellectual, etc, and they have a very hard time with this new identity or vision of themselves. Many cannot see these two visions co-existing and feel as though they need to give one up. Time is a huge factor in what a woman can and cannot do when her baby arrives and may seem inhibiting.
One of the biggest ways that women feel encumbered by the image of motherhood is that they now feel like they cannot set aside time for things they like doing or spur of the moment decisions/events. Maybe they feel like they will be tied down to some other person taking up all of their time. Another concern is making time for friends and family---being able to go to social outings and enjoy oneself without worrying about another person.
Many new mothers also have relationships with a significant other, which also requires time and energy. While, more often than not, this time spent can be rejuvenating, with a new presence in the mix, it can be a trying time in the relationship and hard to find quality time. However, it is still important to make sure that all relationships are healthy---not just between mom and baby. Partners can take some of the load off the mother and bond with the baby in many ways, which can allow the mother time to be herself.
The social mold that society pushes onto women can be a hard road to navigate for all women and their personal identities---because everyone is different. No woman will be the same as any other, and that also applies to mothering techniques. Every style is different but that does not mean there is a right or wrong way to be a mother.
Similarly, many women may feel as though they have a standard of how they want to be as a mother ---which may not be realistic. This pressure may cause unneeded stress for both mother and baby and may make a woman feel inadequate as both her previous identity and now mother.
Your identity as a mother does not need to completely take over from who you were before having a baby. In fact, your personal identity outside of being a mother is a great way to create a relationship with your child as they grow up. You are able to pass on hobbies or interests and knowledge. This is what will set you apart as a mother and will help you to uniquely parent and raise your child. While time for others as well as yourself is a very real concern, you may find that you are able to enjoy your friends and family with your little one, and that your family is just as excited about he/she as you are. They will want to get to know you as a mother as well as your baby and may give you a point to bond over. They can help your baby grow socially as well and give love and attention to your little one. Your community is your support system and they can help support your identity as a new mother.
Do not be afraid of losing yourself when you give birth---it may be a time that you really discover who you are. Many women grow in response to motherhood and learn things about themselves that they may not have known before. Motherhood is a journey and can be a beautiful experience for both you and your social circles--- as long as you let it.
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The Last Time – Unknown Author
From the moment you hold your baby in your arms, you will never be the same. You might long for the person you were before, When you have freedom and time, And nothing in particular to worry about.
You will know tiredness like you never knew it before, And days will run into days that are exactly the same, Full of feedings and burping, Nappy changes and crying, Whining and fighting, Naps or a lack of naps, It might seem like a never-ending cycle.
But don’t forget … There is a last time for everything. There will come a time when you will feed your baby for the very last time. They will fall asleep on you after a long day And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.
One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down, And never pick them up that way again. You will scrub their hair in the bath one night And from that day on they will want to bathe alone. They will hold your hand to cross the road, Then never reach for it again. They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles, And it will be the last night you ever wake to this.
One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus” and do all the actions, Then never sing them that song again. They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate, The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone. You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face. They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.
The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time Until there are no more times. And even then, it will take you a while to realize.
So while you are living in these times, remember there are only so many of them and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them. For one last time.
-Author Unknown-
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